Hi, I love your blog! :) I want to ask for some advice. What should I do if I love my cousin, but in my state even “attempted incest ” is considered a felony? Is there any way we can have a relationship despite this? Moving is out of the question. Also, my family would never accept it if they found out. I really don’t know what to do. – S

Hey and Thank you 🙂

As always, before I say anything, I’m
assuming you’re of an age at which you feel you understand the pros and cons of
having this kind of relationship. And also, as I’ve said before, I’m not a
councilor, so I can only offer suggestions based on what I know and my sense
of caution.

The thing that makes your situation unique
is the fact that you don’t have legal protection if anyone were to report you. It’s easy to say just don’t do it, but I don’t know your circumstances… maybe
you don’t see yourself being able to move anytime soon and meanwhile you need
to live your life. If that’s the case and if you are sure you want to take the
legal risk, then the only way to stay safe would be to keep absolute secrecy. You
should make a situation for yourself where you can deny it in a believable way
if anyone accuses or reports you, leave absolutely no trace of being anything
more than friends (especially stuff like social media comments or texts or pics
on your phone).

This also means not telling anyone about your
relationship, including friends. I definitely don’t think you should do anything while
living with other people. Moving out separately maybe or together with the
excuse of it being for “financial reasons” maybe a good idea. And if possible,
you should do this as far away from your family as possible, while remaining in
the same state.

This of course, is only the advice I’d give
if you are absolutely determined to do this under your circumstances. And it
might work for a short-term relationship. But if you desire something long-term
with your cousin, you’re going to have to seriously consider moving to a state
where at least it’s not criminalized. You might’ve already seen this:

http://thefinalmanifesto.blogspot.ca/2015/01/global-map-of-incest-laws.html

It’s a great little map that The Final
Manifesto put together. The States are highlighted in the box at the bottom and
you can see that while some states do not allow marriage between first cousins,
only a very small number of states actually consider consensual sex between
first cousins to be a criminal offense (the ones containing both red AND orange
stripes). So, you wouldn’t even need to move that far… even just moving to the
nearest state connected to where you’re living now would save you the trouble
of having to always be so watchful and anxious. That gives you lots of options…
it’s just a matter of figuring out finances and jobs.

For your current situation, if you do
decide to have a relationship or any kind of sexual contact with your cousin in
your location, you should read this:

https://consanguinamory.wordpress.com/getting-caught-and-how-to-avoid-it/

The people at CousinCouples.com might have
better advice for you since some of them might’ve experienced the same dilemma.
It’s worthwhile to go there as well and make a post.

I don’t know you two well enough to be sure
if it can work for you, but I think that going against the law should be a last
resort option… like if you are on the other side of the world and stuck between places where it’s criminalized. In the US, there are options. So please think
carefully about this, because depending on where you are, you never know how
harsh the punishment for breaking the law might be.

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