Author: rainbowamory

He/They.

Reasons why cousin marriage is illegal in some places

Published on by rainbowamoryLeave a comment
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There are some people out there–specifically the ones who are against sexual relationships between family members–who like to assume that cousin marriage being illegal in some places is enough of a reason to ban it everywhere.

The fact is, there are a number of reasons why cousin marriage might be illegal in some places that ultimately doesn’t serve as a legitimate argument to ban it altogether.

More often that not, the people that like using this reasoning are people who are choosing the easiest and most self-serving interpretation of this inconsistency in the law. They are choosing what makes sense to them according to their prejudices and fears and dislikes, rather than actually asking a genuine question.

This aspect of the debate goes beyond my personal interest area and intentions for research. But I would like to share some theories (based on bits and pieces I’ve read on this topic) about why I think cousin marriage is illegal in some places. These are just theories and educated guesses, but anyone who is really curious should consider some of these things:

                                                      Religion 

Sometimes there is no logic to the decisions made in a legal system, especially in places where religion rules. Extremist religious beliefs can seep into the system and affect laws, with very little consideration for facts regarding actual risks.

Population size/endogamy

I’ve noticed when looking up cousin marriage briefly that some of the places where it is banned happen to also be sparsely populated. This makes sense from a scientific perspective, since a smaller population would mean less diversity in genes, which means that the risks would be higher for consanguineous marriage–even more so if it occurs several generations in succession.

Another thing that supports this theory is that cousin marriage is often legal in bigger cities. (larger population= more genetic diversity… which means lower risks). Also, with so many people to choose from, fewer people would consider marrying a cousin, which further lowers risks to population health.

Arranged/forced marriage

When looking up something I heard about cousin marriage being illegal in a European country, I came across some legal materials that stated that “arranged” marriage specifically was illegal. Cousin marriages based on cultural traditions are often arranged. This law wasn’t a total ban…rather it was a ban on forced marriage specifically. If two cousins wanted to be married, they’d have to sign a document confirming that they are both mutually consenting to a marriage before they are allowed to marry.

So what appeared to be a total ban was really only a ban on arranged marriage. It was just something in place to protect people from being forced into a marriage they didn’t want.

 Cultural traditions

Another reason why marriage between cousins is illegal in some places may have to do with discouraging generational inbreeding. This most often seems to occur in cultures where it is a custom to marry a cousin.

If you look up the history of marriage bans in a given location, you’ll see that some of these bans occurred as a direct reaction to the problem of generational inbreeding among ethnic groups… marriage bans meant these traditions could not be continued. This also meant no more arranged marriages.

Often these same places that have bans on marriage will not prosecute two cousins living together and having kids. So the real purpose of the ban is more about discouraging multiple-generation arranged marriages– It’s not a reflection of the risks for a single generation.

                                                           …

Regardless of where it is banned and why, the facts still remain. First cousin marriage is legal in many places, and that is because the reproductive risks for a single generation are low. As long as it is mutually consensual, no one is abused.

The problems in cousin marriage arise when it occurs with no limits. But the solution to that should not be worldwide bans. It should be a solution that offers balance, between allowing consenting adults to be together and at the same time making sure inbreeding always remains within levels that are safe.

I was doing some research on writing about controversial/taboo topics (bc I’m an idealist who hopes to get my brosis book published one day) and there was an interesting bit in one article that mentioned that one way to get the audience to really sympathize w how unfair it is (that x subject is unfairly demonized) is if the sympathetic protag(s) get a tragic ending bc of society’s judgment. Maybe that plays into why our ships tend to end sadly even by sympathetic authors?

Published on by rainbowamoryLeave a comment

temporarychange1:

I have no doubt that that is why the book Forbidden (Tabitha Suzuma) ended as it did. She set out to make every aspect of that novel as sympathetic as possible. And she’s not the only author/creator who did that, I think you are entirely correct.

There’s an important distinction to be made – one that I confess I don’t usually bother making – between “tragedy because of society’s judgment” and a theme of “incest is destructive”. I usually lump it all into “not a happy ending”, but there’s one that’s sympathetic and one that is critical of incest. And the former, I think, sometimes falls under what you say. Often enough for it to be a trend.

EXACTLY. Sometimes people who are anti-incest try to use those unhappy endings to justify their own judgmental behavior. But really, many of those unhappy endings are actually showing what happens when innocent people are prosecuted just for being unconventional. You can usually tell when the author doesn’t care about the characters vs when the author is just trying to capture realism. The book ‘Forbidden’ seems like the 2nd kind, even though I haven’t read it yet… I can tell.

I’m always happy when I see your blog pop up on my dashboard. I want to thank you. You have made this such a welcoming place for shippers, where all over the rest of the internet and in our culture, we would be looked down on for the things we like, this is a safe place. It just always reminds me im not alone. I think ppl see the idea of incest as something very dirty even in fiction, but I feel like a lot of us are really just romantics, who believe in love equally. But thank you again ♡

Published on by rainbowamoryLeave a comment

temporarychange1:

Thank you so much, Anon! I’ve been plugging away hard at asks the past couple of days and this was a very rewarding message for me to receive. I really appreciate you taking the time to say this.

I hate so much that we can’t come online and talk freely about the ships we love without having to be afraid of being judged or even attacked. We deserve better!

And I think you’ve struck on a really important point: a lot of us – maybe even most of us around here – are really just romantics. The haters don’t get it.

That last part resonates strongly. Love is Love. [The above is a reblog of a post from Shipcestuous’s Tumblr. The username temporarychange1 was Shipcestuous before the blog was deleted.]

I’m always happy when I see your blog pop up on my dashboard. I want to thank you. You have made this such a welcoming place for shippers, where all over the rest of the internet and in our culture, we would be looked down on for the things we like, this is a safe place. It just always reminds me im not alone. I think ppl see the idea of incest as something very dirty even in fiction, but I feel like a lot of us are really just romantics, who believe in love equally. But thank you again ♡

Published on by rainbowamoryLeave a comment

temporarychange1:

Thank you so much, Anon! I’ve been plugging away hard at asks the past couple of days and this was a very rewarding message for me to receive. I really appreciate you taking the time to say this.

I hate so much that we can’t come online and talk freely about the ships we love without having to be afraid of being judged or even attacked. We deserve better!

And I think you’ve struck on a really important point: a lot of us – maybe even most of us around here – are really just romantics. The haters don’t get it.

That last part resonates strongly. Love is Love.

Another Therapist (for Consanguineous couples)

Published on by rainbowamoryLeave a comment

YES! Happy to hear of another therapist that is worth recommending to those who are in consang relationships, like the kind discussed on this blog.

I’m copying and pasting from this page: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2018/09/a-note-from-therapist.html#comment-form

Details:

I am a psychotherapist who specializes in working with clients who struggle with “taboo” sexualized thoughts and behaviors. I’m currently working on research dealing with consensual familial intimate relationships. I offer online therapy as well as in-person and I accept most major insurance. I’m licensed in Georgia and Maryland.

Keya Johnson, MSW, LCSW, CCTP, CSOTP

therapist.keya@gmail.com

Before talking to anyone, you should make sure you know their rules and what to expect.