(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCDnc1S5LJM)
Omg, guys, it’s that film that came out awhile ago, about two cousins. I have no idea if it’s a decent portrayal or not cause I haven’t watched it yet, so I can’t exactly write a review at the moment.
But here is the trailer: http://rainbowamory.tumblr.com/post/93691842859/friends-from-france-les-interdits-2013
The first link will bring you to the full movie, with English subtitles. 🙂
Hey guys,
I want to share with you a message I received today. There have been casting calls like this before, (the last one being for MTV’s
“True Life” show). This casting call is from
Sirens Media. All the details are below, copied and pasted from the e-mail sent to me. Opportunities like this are always a very positive way to change attitudes, so if you are in a safe enough situation and want to contribute to educating people about your love, this would be a good chance to do so:
Cousin Couples
Greetings and I hope this note finds you doing well. I’m a producer at Sirens Media and we’re developing a docu-series about cousins who are in happy, healthy relationships. The goal of our program is to feature a handful of couples and tell their love stories.
Would you be able to refer any readers/people you’ve communicated with who are cousins, who might also be interested in appearing on television to talk about their love? I’d be grateful for your input.
I can be reached directly ator on
Sirens Media has created a number of docu-series and reality programs for virtually every television network, including TLC, Discovery, A&E and History, just to name a few. You can read about Sirens Media at
Here is my LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracy-ullman-b7a8a42/
, just so you know I’m legit.
I’ll look forward to hearing from you and appreciate your time and consideration. If you have any further questions, don’t hesitate to hop on the phone or give me a good time to call you.
Yours truly,
Tracy Ullman,
Development Producer
Thank you Tracy for reaching out! Good luck with your production! 🙂
-Rainbowamory
I just wanted to explain the reason I focus on reproduction a lot on this blog. It’s not because I am trying to push it on you. It’s because it’s the area where most stigma arises from, the area most people don’t know much about. Because of ignorance surrounding the topic of reproduction, straight cousin couples have the most amount of stigma placed on them. So that’s why I like to address it from that angle.
Reproduction is definitely not for everyone, for various reasons. But I hope that the information I link to and share is of use to you, whether you are just trying to learn more, or in the process of deciding if you want to have a family.
I haven’t come across same-sex cousin couples info yet but if I do I will post here. Please feel welcome to submit an Ask or Share a Story if you are with your same-sex cousin.
❤
[Note from Jan 17, 2021: The video is no longer available on YouTube but it was basically about a woman talking about her family background. In her background there were several consanguineous marriages (some between brothers and sisters, and others between first cousins). She was talking about the fact that her parents were cousins… her view was that she did not feel comfortable supporting consanguineous relationships, but she explained that it was because she had experienced trauma…NOT from her parents though — her parents had gotten divorced and her mother had married another cousin, and they had encouraged her to be with who she wants to be with, including dating outside the family. The reason she was traumatized was because she felt that other people in her family made her feel uncomfortable by looking at her in a sexualized way, instead of in a platonic way. e.g. cousins or uncles or someone like that. She herself was not interested in having that type of relationship with a relative, and that’s ok. I respect the fact that she took the time to explain why she feels the way she feels. She wasn’t trying to control other people’s lives, just being honest about her feelings on the topic due to her experiences. The video is no longer up, but that was basically what it was about]
(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAceINX4zGY)
Wow. There’s a lot more that could be said about this video but I’m just going to say some things and let you watch it for yourself.
Short Summary of my Thoughts:
To sum it up, I thought this woman was as kind as she could be about consang love, considering the trauma she’s had to go through in her family (the feeling of being unsafe, not because of her parents, but because of the hyper-sexualized mentality of other family). Very rarely do people actually take the time to reflect and talk about WHY they feel the way they do so I thought it was particularly great that she did that… It’s nice that she didn’t come out of it saying that people shouldn’t marry family members. She acknowledges that while it’s not for her, she has her own personal reasons (not the usual social biases), and that she can’t decide for other people what is best for them. This is a very mature and fair stance, and I hope it opens some people’s minds, whether or not they want to have a consang relationship themselves.
Long Version:
So, as usual, I approached this video with hesitation because I thought the person was going to be very hypocritical about her views on cousin marriage. But actually she makes some really great points and explains her feelings really well, while still being respectful of those who have incestuous relationships. I think that’s even more honorable coming from her, since she has had a lot of trauma associated with her lineage.
I’m not sharing this to perpetuate bad myths or anything. Though practices like that of her tribe (arranged marriages) are part of the reason there is so much hate out there for incestuous couples… People often get the impression that all incestuous couples lead to generational inbreeding, which is not the case.
There are many that get married of their own free will to a relative, and have children with them (hopefully after talking to a doctor), and then raise their kids in a loving, non-abusive environment. Then when their kids grow up, the kids marry outside the family, and there’s never any issues since the gene pool remains mixed.
Having listened to the youtuber’s explanation, her mixed feelings make alot of sense, but I also commend her for not projecting her own choices onto others. She is very honest and non-judgmental for someone whose been through trauma. Kids having to grow up in a hyper-sexualized family atmosphere is one of the reasons I think generational (multiple generations in the same family) incest is not a good idea.
I share these links because I think it’s SO important to hear what the offspring of cousin marriage have to say, since they are the ones that are directly effected by another’s decisions. As long as they are using their reason and are being fair in their opinions, I think it’s important to listen to them. If two cousins ever want to make kids with each other, it’s important for them to think about how their kids might process their relationship in the world.
Maybe cousin couples could learn from this young woman, about the importance of raising kids in such a way that they don’t experience trauma within the family. It’s entirely possible to give kids a much happier experience than what this person had.. you just need to be smart and learn from her life.
This page has some really useful links and information for those interested in learning more about love between related people. There’s specifically some great stuff for cousin couples, covering genetics and reproduction…with interesting diagrams. You should check out their video discussion too. I’ll post some thoughts on it once I’ve watched it myself. 🙂
Hello,
I always feel very hesitant to say anything when someone doesn’t confirm their age. I believe it’s ok for people to be together in their teens if they are close in age, but if this is the path you are taking, please use protection.
In your case though, it seems more complicated. I am not a relationship expert (there’s no such thing as a relationship expert) so I can only offer my humble suggestion. It takes two people to make a relationship work, and flings aren’t for everyone. So if you don’t want just a fling.. if you want something more, then this doesn’t look like a good situation.
Some guys use pretty words just to seduce someone enough to have sex, and then they lose interest and move on. If you still want to give him a chance, you should wait a long while (some months or a year) to see if he wants the same thing you do. If he truly cares about you he will still be there. If his mind wanders, then it’s likely because his feelings weren’t that strong to begin with. At this stage, I don’t think you should rush into anything. Wait to see if you both want the same thing.
If you really want to see it, is here here, but be warned. Ignorance abounds: http://madamenoire.com/488938/celebrities-who-married-a-cousin/
_The Comment I left:
There is a lot
of misinformation here. As someone who has read up on cousin/cousin
relationships extensively for my writing, I can see so much distortion and
prejudice in your article it’s disgusting. Journalists are supposed to present
facts without telling people what to think. But you are no different than so
many other self-professed “relationship experts”. The fact is, human
sexuality is diverse and complex. There is no one kind of healthy or normal.
You really have to look at things on a case-by-case basis to try and see which
relationships are right for the individuals involved and which ones may not
be….. I fully agree that some of these marriages are inappropriate, but that
is due to the ages of the females involved, not because of the sheer fact of
their relation to their partner.
For your
information, first cousins have a very low risk level for having kids with
defects. All people (whether related or not) carry a baseline risk for defects.
And first cousins’ risks are only a little higher, not high enough to ban
marriages… which is why many places still allow it. The kind of defects that
can occur are not the kind that would ruin the quality of a kid’s life. They’d
be minor inconveniences, if they happen at all. As for the rare worst case scenario
(of severe mental or physical disability) in the case of cousins there is no
evidence to show that it is caused by their relation.
Any relationship can
produce children with major issues. When major issues do occur for a cousin
couple, it is often because there were several generations in a row of
inbreeding in the same family. There is a HUGE difference between that and the
risks for a cousin marriage where there is no history of incest already in the
family tree. Some of Darwin’s kids had issues.. he also had several generations
of incest in his family (both him and his wife’s side). Every time a person
casually looks at the birth defects, they are not getting a balanced view
because they are not investigating further. The major issues happen when there
are SEVERAL GENERATIONS IN A ROW.
Lastly,
and just as important as the stuff on genetics, what makes you think that these
relationships are somehow less valuable than the ones you are used to?? You
have to be a seriously narcissistic person to think that your experience in
life is the only one that holds any meaning. If you study history, you’d see
that morality is largely subjective to the culture, the times, the individual,
etc. And as for whether or not it is in line with
‘natural selection’ or ‘evolution’, you need to take a closer look at the
animal kingdom. Human beings don’t just go and mate in some base way. Human
relationships are about the mind, the soul, shared values and interests. We are
so much more advanced than animals. You think that these people are being
backwards by loving within their family. But you are so far removed from their
experience that you cannot begin to see how far ahead they are in their views
of love. Real Love is not about reproduction and mating like an animal in heat.
Reproduction is a separate matter that should be looked at with consideration
to ACTUAL facts about risk levels on a case-by-case basis – not a generalized
paranoid opinion of someone who is more interested in sensationalism than
truth.
To the author of this article and her fans: You
are not relationship experts. Get over yourselves. There are children of cousin
couples all over this world who are dealing with unnecessary stigma because of
people like YOU. I am not defending customs here… Cousin marriage as a
widespread custom is dangerous in the long term. But I will fully defend those
(in a minority) that marry their cousins out of genuine love and connection.
You cannot speak for these people. They have a voice of their own and each one
is different. Cousin marriage is a complex and controversial topic but in order
to understand it fully you need to be able to look at it from ALL angles and
make distinctions between harmful and harmless, all the while acknowledging
that people have the right to choose how to live and love, as long as there is
consent. They’re not here to play a puppet role for you or anyone. There are a
multitude of ways to be a COUSIN, and to be HUMAN. I’d much rather hang out
with free-minded people any day than those who spread ignorance with pride.
For an example of unbiased journalism, see this: http://www.atomica.com/article/1269307/15-celebs-who-married-family-members
Hi anon,
It really depends on what kind of relationship you currently have with him. You’d have to give me a few more details if you’d like a more in-depth opinion. For now, all I can suggest is that you move slow in how you communicate your feelings. If you’ve felt this way for a long time and you really want to see if there’s something there, try to let him know how you feel. It’s better in person because this way you can keep your privacy and there won’t be any texts or written stuff that anyone might use against you.
If having relations with your cousin (step cousin or biological cousin) is legal where you live, there shouldn’t be any issues. But if not, be mindful of how open you are.
The age gap is not important if you both don’t feel that it is. But if he is under 18, you should wait till he’s reached that age so you’re both mature enough to do anything sexual and it won’t become a legal issue.
Since you’re not blood-related, you don’t have to think about reproductive risks specific to related people but it wouldn’t hurt to think of that stuff in a general sense (as applies to non-related people) if you ever do get to that point.
For now, I suggest you think about those factors and IF you two are of legal age, it’s up to you how you proceed. If one of you is under 18, you could still share feelings, but to be on the safe side it’s better to wait till you are both 18 or above to do anything more. Be prepared for any response – take a chance and tell him, alone and in-person, when you are ready.
Goodluck 🙂
When people look perplexed at your sexual or romantic choices, saying that there are plenty of other people you could choose from, its senseless. If you are monogamous, then you’d end up with one person anyway, so it doesn’t matter how many people there are in the world… the important thing is that the one you pick is the right one, for you.
I’ve seen this around for awhile now and wondered what the symbolism was. This page explains it. 🙂 When you go to the page, scroll down for more info.
rainbowamory 