I was on the bus today and these two guys were talking about their personal lives.. I usually get irritated when people begin talking about relationships and stuff on the bus when I’m tired and on my way home from work.
But when they started talking about other guys and how to spot a gay guy in the classroom, I began to get kind of curious. I found their conversation to be amusing and was just thinking that this was a rare thing to witness on a bus full of people… I didn’t have an issue with it until it got to that one bit about the “guy” who now has BOOBS.
The moment they said that I knew they were talking about a trans person, who was likely going through a medical transition (a transwoman or nonbinary person). I suddenly felt dread that this conversation was going to take an ugly turn… the guys weren’t horrible about it. They were just really ignorant.
The whole time they were talking about the person they kept calling them a “he” and I kept thinking that no one who is truly a guy on the inside would willingly go get boobs. I should know because I had the opposite procedure done (FTM).
The most unbearable part of this conversation to me, personally, was how one guy just casually says “If I ever did something like that, I’d go all the way. The first thing I’d do is cut off my….”
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There’s so much there in that one moment and about people’s attitudes towards transgender transition in general that it can’t possibly be covered in one post. So I’m not going to try. I just want to speak for myself.
For those who don’t understand why many trans people don’t go “all the way” with their surgeries or hormones, the answer is that there are many answers… it depends on who you ask. But if you want to learn something, genuinely want to have a sample answer to that question, I’ll give my perspective. I can only speak for myself:
Medical transition is risky. I have had one surgery. It took years to make up my mind to do it and I only did it because it was extremely low-risk and predictable. The risk is the main reason why I would likely not “go all the way”. Believe me, if there were such a thing as magic, the first thing, the FIRST thing I’d do is get a sex change. Other people can have their cars and money and houses. I will go get the sex change I wanted since I was six.
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My answer to this unbelievably annoying (but legitimate) question is simply that
surgery is not magic
and in a world where people still don’t get the essence of what it means for someone to be trans, it only makes taking the risk that much less appealing to me.
I wanted to share this with anyone who might want to know this information.
If you are part of a minority then you’d know how challenging life can be sometimes. And when it comes to looking for therapy, maybe you feel scared to discuss what is in your heart.
Well, this therapist posted in a consanguinamory group on facebook:
I messaged her a bit and sent her a link to my blog and she said it would be ok for me to post a link to her site here. So if you are looking for a professional therapist who will be non-judgmental and with whom you can be open about your attractions and relationships, you can check out her page (sliding scale is also an option for pricing)
She offers Skype sessions as well. Currently they can only accept clients in the U.S. If you can’t afford her prices, maybe she can refer you to other therapists who would be willing to offer the same kind of services.
Oh… I thought there was a question here. I guess you wanted to just say it? Well, if you ever want to talk, you can send me a message. Otherwise, if the person you have a crush on doesn’t have the same sexual orientation, it’s not really likely for it to work out. However, sexuality is complex and people have had exceptions before… and between straight and gay there are pansexual people and bisexual people. I think it’s a question of what you want and how badly you want it. If you are ok with a short-term relationship and she is too then it’s up to you how to proceed. But if these feelings are hurting you, then taking a bit of a distance from her for awhile would be best.
I’ve come across at least one queer (female) cousin couple on an online forum.
Maybe it would help to talk to others that have been through it personally.
Wow, that is crazy. Definitely doesn’t look like they’re supposed to be twins.
I’ve never heard of them being shipped before but I can’t imagine they wouldn’t be after that. Also saw this photo:
I don’t know if that was official or what someone who bought them did but…If it was someone who bought them, they clearly ship it.
I asked this question cause lately all I can think about is ball jointed dolls since I want one. 🙂 Thank you for replying!!
And also, I saw that last photo too. I just couldn’t post the link cause the ask box thing didn’t let me, so thanks for attaching the pics. 🙂
I was sure the 2nd photo must be by the company just from how professional it looks but then again sometimes the dolls are sold in full sets (with the same faceup, clothes, etc as the promos.) so it’s possible it was by a customer.
I do realize it could also simply be a sweet, platonic relationship. But I think it’s beautiful either way. 😀
Hey Anon, I got your message. I will have a reply for you by the end of the week (Friday or Saturday). I’m usually too tired/sleepy to think clearly during regular days (due to work) but I just wanted to let you know I saw it and will respond.
There is no one way to be lesbian. All gender expression is to an extent a performance, so no one is ‘imitation’ of anything.. they simply are expressing who they are inside. If you call trans masculine people imitations, then what are the trans women that you say you support?
This is the kind of shit that creates divides in the lesbian community. You can’t claim a whole identity just to yourself and define it by your own terms when there are others out there who feel differently.
I much prefer butch/femme dynamic over femme/femme on a personal level but then again I don’t identify as female. So I will simply unsubscribe, because it’s obvious you want a women’s club of all cis or trans women. And your criticism could be easily flipped on you… e.g. why bother dating someone who is exactly like you? femme/femme is like dating yourself. How do you like that??
By the way, my girlfriend is a femme lesbian and she is perfectly ok with dating a trans-male identified person or masculine acting women. I’m not the one diminishing her identity. You are.
rainbowamory 