This post is not for any anti. It’s for those who may be capable of growth and sensitivity, who are curious to listen to the side that is often silenced in the discourse around this topic: that is, the topic of writing or shipping consensual incest.
So far, I’ve had a few experiences in which I had mentioned to a friend outside the shipping community that this was a topic I intend to explore in my own writing. I usually chose very carefully who to open up to and generally had neutral reactions. But the two that kind of bothered me, even if they weren’t delivered in a harsh way, was the immediate association that was made with Cersei and Jaime from Game of Thrones.
So I wanted to write this post to express my feelings about this reference which actually makes no sense to me at all, coming from the perspective I come from.
It is unfortunately not in English but I have screencapped a translated version below.
As for the radio interview, I don’t know if there’s an English translation for that. If someone here knows what is being said, it would be nice to have a summary.
Here is the English translation of the article (you can find the radio interview in the audio player at the end of the article):
There are some people out there–specifically the ones who are against sexual relationships between family members–who like to assume that cousin marriage being illegal in some places is enough of a reason to ban it everywhere.
The fact is, there are a number of reasons why cousin marriage might be illegal in some places that ultimately doesn’t serve as a legitimate argument to ban it altogether.
More often that not, the people that like using this reasoning are people who are choosing the easiest and most self-serving interpretation of this inconsistency in the law. They are choosing what makes sense to them according to their prejudices and fears and dislikes, rather than actually asking a genuine question.
This aspect of the debate goes beyond my personal interest area and intentions for research. But I would like to share some theories (based on bits and pieces I’ve read on this topic) about why I think cousin marriage is illegal in some places. These are just theories and educated guesses, but anyone who is really curious should consider some of these things:
Religion
Sometimes there is no logic to the decisions made in a legal system, especially in places where religion rules. Extremist religious beliefs can seep into the system and affect laws, with very little consideration for facts regarding actual risks.
Population size/endogamy
I’ve noticed when looking up cousin marriage briefly that some of the places where it is banned happen to also be sparsely populated. This makes sense from a scientific perspective, since a smaller population would mean less diversity in genes, which means that the risks would be higher for consanguineous marriage–even more so if it occurs several generations in succession.
Another thing that supports this theory is that cousin marriage is often legalin bigger cities. (larger population= more genetic diversity… which means lower risks). Also, with so many people to choose from, fewer people would consider marrying a cousin, which further lowers risks to population health.
Arranged/forced marriage
When looking up something I heard about cousin marriage being illegal in a European country, I came across some legal materials that stated that “arranged” marriage specifically was illegal. Cousin marriages based on cultural traditions are often arranged. This law wasn’t a total ban…rather it was a ban on forced marriage specifically. If two cousins wanted to be married, they’d have to sign a document confirming that they are both mutually consenting to a marriage before they are allowed to marry.
So what appeared to be a total ban was really only a ban on arranged marriage. It was just something in place to protect people from being forced into a marriage they didn’t want.
Cultural traditions
Another reason why marriage between cousins is illegal in some places may have to do with discouraging generational inbreeding. This most often seems to occur in cultures where it is a custom to marry a cousin.
If you look up the history of marriage bans in a given location, you’ll see that some of these bans occurred as a direct reaction to the problem of generational inbreeding among ethnic groups… marriage bans meant these traditions could not be continued. This also meant no more arranged marriages.
Often these same places that have bans on marriage will not prosecute two cousins living together and having kids. So the real purpose of the ban is more about discouraging multiple-generation arranged marriages– It’s not a reflection of the risks for a single generation.
…
Regardless of where it is banned and why, the facts still remain. First cousin marriage is legal in many places, and that is because the reproductive risks for a single generation are low. As long as it is mutually consensual, no one is abused.
The problems in cousin marriage arise when it occurs with no limits. But the solution to that should not be worldwide bans. It should be a solution that offers balance, between allowing consenting adults to be together and at the same time making sure inbreeding always remains within levels that are safe.
I want to share with you a message I received today. There have been casting calls like this before, (the last one being for MTV’s
“True Life” show). This casting call is from
Sirens Media. All the details are below, copied and pasted from the e-mail sent to me. Opportunities like this are always a very positive way to change attitudes, so if you are in a safe enough situation and want to contribute to educating people about your love, this would be a good chance to do so:
Cousin Couples
Greetings and I hope this note finds you doing well. I’m a producer at Sirens Media and we’re developing a docu-series about cousins who are in happy, healthy relationships. The goal of our program is to feature a handful of couples and tell their love stories.
Would you be able to refer any readers/people you’ve communicated with who are cousins, who might also be interested in appearing on television to talk about their love? I’d be grateful for your input.
I can be reached directly at
Sirens Media has created a number of docu-series and reality programs for virtually every television network, including TLC, Discovery, A&E and History, just to name a few. You can read about Sirens Media at
I’ll look forward to hearing from you and appreciate your time and consideration. If you have any further questions, don’t hesitate to hop on the phone or give me a good time to call you.
Yours truly,
Tracy Ullman,
Development Producer
Thank you Tracy for reaching out! Good luck with your production! 🙂
-Rainbowamory
if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.
This is why every time I have another kid I give the first one up for adoption. Also, every time I get a new pet I drown the one I already had; unless it’s a fish, of course, in which case I flush it down the toilet. And when someone brings me a houseplant as a gift, of course I throw the other one into the dumpster behind the grocery store. I mean, you can only love one of any given thing at a time, right? What ya gonna do?
I think in your case the first thing you need to ask yourself is, do you want more than just a sexual experience?
If you are looking for something long-term, then the information about marriage and reproduction will obviously be important to you, and in that case, I can see why you’d want him to know it as well.
One way you can possibly let him know is by having a book lying around in your room or mentioned on one of your personal online profiles. So far, I found two decent-seeming books that address these themes directly: Forbidden Relatives: The American Myth of Cousin Marriage by Martin Ottenheimer and Cousins: A Unique and Powerful Bond by Johanna Garfield. I’m in the process of reading these two myself to learn more so I can’t say much about their contents as a review yet, but the topics are both obvious upon first glance. If you comment on either of them very generally, and place them in view of your cousin, you might be able to communicate your thoughts on the subjects and learn his thoughts without having to admit your feelings towards him specifically. You can do the same with a print-out of an article or by sharing an article on an online profile (Facebook, Tumblr, etc) – somewhere he can see it. Maybe even tag him on it.
You can say that you’re doing some research about different kinds of relationships or kinship in different cultures and you found these books or articles and they looked interesting. Then you can ask him what he thinks about these topics. You can ask it in a neutral, discussion-like tone, and if he asks you if you are trying to tell him something or asks if you are hitting on him, just act like you don’t know what he’s talking about and that you are just asking a general question, for a writing project or for school or for your own interest. Make your intentions seem as disinterested as possible. If he still acts suspicious and reserved, just stick with the generic actions of spending more time with him and seeing if he tells you his feelings on his own. No harm done.
You can also try talking about controversial subjects in general one day (cross dressing, plastic surgery, furries? .. lol) and ask what his opinions are one by one, then switch to relationship types (long-distance, relationships with large age gaps, gay relationships, interracial relationships, polyamorous, etc). Mention random interesting statistics. Somewhere in there throw in cousin marriage and some statistics on cousin-cousin reproduction, and see what he says. Make it fun. Try to hint at your own opinions without saying too much. Try to get him to express his opinions first. Don’t linger too long on that one point, and continue your conversation as though it’s all just for amusement. Maybe somewhere along the way you’ll find out what you need to know and if you and your cousin are on the same page. 🙂
Good luck! And keep us posted on your progress if you want!
Human beings took our animal need for palatable food … and turned it into chocolate souffles with salted caramel cream. We took our ability to co-operate as a social species … and turned it into craft circles and bowling leagues and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We took our capacity to make and use tools … and turned it into the Apollo moon landing. We took our uniquely precise ability to communicate through language … and turned it into King Lear.
None of these things are necessary for survival and reproduction. That is exactly what makes them so splendid. When we take our basic evolutionary wiring and transform it into something far beyond any prosaic matters of survival and reproduction … that’s when humanity is at its best. That’s when we show ourselves to be capable of creating meaning and joy, for ourselves and for one another. That’s when we’re most uniquely human.
And the same is true for sex. Human beings have a deep, hard-wired urge to replicate our DNA, instilled in us by millions of years of evolution. And we’ve turned it into an intense and delightful form of communication, intimacy, creativity, community, personal expression, transcendence, joy, pleasure, and love. Regardless of whether any DNA gets replicated in the process.
Why should we see this as sinful? What makes this any different from chocolate souffles and King Lear?
Sadly, those who find our sexuality to be “sinful” also find our other creative endeavors to be sinful as well. Those who go after those of us who are LGBT are the first ones to ban books, boycott shows, etc.
Wow, that is so true… like that cousin marriage book that was on that library site, where they were asking whether or not it should be banned. That book contained FACTS around the topic rather than perpetuating more myths and misconceptions created by willfully blind cultural and religious prejudices. It really says something about a society when people try to control information itself from being put out there… anything that takes a neutral view of a subject that is considered taboo is often attacked by these same people because they know that accepting media or art that present these topics in a positive way is the start of examining it more closely in real life.
I also like what the quote was saying about sex. Something that I’ve noticed people do when making arguments against interbreeding and intermarriage is making this assumption that the couple should not be together because there are others out there that they can be with without taking as much of a reproductive risk. These arguments are misguided for two reasons: first, those making the comments are often speaking in ignorance, not knowing the actual facts behind the risks. Second, they fail to consider that the couple may be together for so much more than just the instinctual desire to reproduce… There’s so much more to a human relationship. Which means that those who make up the relationship are not exchangeable with just any random person in the population. They can be unique and irreplaceable to each other.
To say that certain couples (like a cousin couple for example) should break up because of reproductive risks is an insult to all mutual human relationships, because you are saying that it’s just that easy for people to let go since when it comes to sex all that matters is “replicating your DNA.”
I Love My Boo campaign features real young men of color loving each other passionately. Rather than sexualizing gay relationships, this campaign models caring, and highlights the importance of us taking care of each other. Featured throughout New York City, I Love My Boo directly challenges homophobia and encourages all who come across it to critically rethink our notion of love.
GMHC is the world’s first and leading provider of HIV/AIDS prevention, care and advocacy. Building on decades of dedication and expertise, we understand the reality of HIV/AIDS and empower a healthy life for all. GMHC fights to end the AIDS epidemic and uplift the lives of all affected.
this is fucking adorable
SPREAD THESE IMAGES LIKE WILDFIRE PRECISELY BECAUSE THEY FUCK UP THE MISGUIDED STEREOTYPES WE ALL ARE USED TO SEEING.
rainbowamory 