Ts Madison “ I am a human being first”
(Source: https://www.youtube.com/)
Tag: transgender
Society’s Assumptions about Trans people and Surgery
I was on the bus today and these two guys were talking about their personal lives.. I usually get irritated when people begin talking about relationships and stuff on the bus when I’m tired and on my way home from work.
But when they started talking about other guys and how to spot a gay guy in the classroom, I began to get kind of curious. I found their conversation to be amusing and was just thinking that this was a rare thing to witness on a bus full of people… I didn’t have an issue with it until it got to that one bit about the “guy” who now has BOOBS.
The moment they said that I knew they were talking about a trans person, who was likely going through a medical transition (a transwoman or nonbinary person). I suddenly felt dread that this conversation was going to take an ugly turn… the guys weren’t horrible about it. They were just really ignorant.
The whole time they were talking about the person they kept calling them a “he” and I kept thinking that no one who is truly a guy on the inside would willingly go get boobs. I should know because I had the opposite procedure done (FTM).
The most unbearable part of this conversation to me, personally, was how one guy just casually says “If I ever did something like that, I’d go all the way. The first thing I’d do is cut off my….”
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There’s so much there in that one moment and about people’s attitudes towards transgender transition in general that it can’t possibly be covered in one post. So I’m not going to try. I just want to speak for myself.
For those who don’t understand why many trans people don’t go “all the way” with their surgeries or hormones, the answer is that there are many answers… it depends on who you ask. But if you want to learn something, genuinely want to have a sample answer to that question, I’ll give my perspective. I can only speak for myself:
Medical transition is risky. I have had one surgery. It took years to make up my mind to do it and I only did it because it was extremely low-risk and predictable. The risk is the main reason why I would likely not “go all the way”. Believe me, if there were such a thing as magic, the first thing, the FIRST thing I’d do is get a sex change. Other people can have their cars and money and houses. I will go get the sex change I wanted since I was six.
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My answer to this unbelievably annoying (but legitimate) question is simply that
surgery is not magic
and in a world where people still don’t get the essence of what it means for someone to be trans, it only makes taking the risk that much less appealing to me.
This is for you, bitch.
What’s the point
What’s the point of being a lesbian http://www.evematch.com/
There is no one way to be lesbian. All gender expression is to an extent a performance, so no one is ‘imitation’ of anything.. they simply are expressing who they are inside. If you call trans masculine people imitations, then what are the trans women that you say you support?
This is the kind of shit that creates divides in the lesbian community. You can’t claim a whole identity just to yourself and define it by your own terms when there are others out there who feel differently.
I much prefer butch/femme dynamic over femme/femme on a personal level but then again I don’t identify as female. So I will simply unsubscribe, because it’s obvious you want a women’s club of all cis or trans women. And your criticism could be easily flipped on you… e.g. why bother dating someone who is exactly like you? femme/femme is like dating yourself. How do you like that??
By the way, my girlfriend is a femme lesbian and she is perfectly ok with dating a trans-male identified person or masculine acting women. I’m not the one diminishing her identity. You are.
This Friday (31st March) is Trans Day of Visibility
[This post refers to TDoV 2017; other years will have TDoV on a different day of the week]
It’s that time of year again! That awesome day where trans people share their selfies and stories. It’s one of the two largest trans advocacy days, the other being Trans Day of Remembrance (20th November). That day is dedicated to mourning and solemnity, while this day is a day to celebrate being alive! Like last year, I’m not sure of the absolute official hashtag, so I’m guessing there’ll be a variety in use, such as: #tdov #transdayofvisibility #trans day of visibility #trans visibility #trans pride #transresistance #trans resistance
This day has been recognised since 2009 and is increasing in popularity and support each year, but there’s still a long way to go in spreading the word. Visibility is something that the trans community often has to struggle for, so this is our time to step out of the shadows, take pride in who we are, and show the world that we exist and we’re here to stay.
If you are trans
This is your day. No matter your gender – whether you’re male, female, or any nonbinary gender – anyone who isn’t cis (ie. whose gender is different from the gender they were assigned at birth) can participate. This is a great opportunity to get involved in the community and be visible. If you’re comfortable, post a selfie. Share your story. This is your time to be proud of who you are! It can get hard and lonely sometimes, but there’s a whole community here who have your back.
If you are not trans
Please also get involved – don’t leave this day just up to us. Today is a day for you to support and listen to the trans community. Show us some love by reblogging some selfies and reading some stories, whether you browse through the tags listed above or stick to your mutuals. Now is a perfect opportunity to learn about our wonderful community and to look at some beautiful people. It’s a win-win, really.
Above all, I hope everyone has a fantastic TDoV! Have fun and keep it positive.
No one CHOOSES their Gender
Trans kids are not confused. They know who they are the way only people who have not yet been assigned a role can know themselves.
You can socialize mannerisms, you can socialize gender roles, you can socialize someone to respond to pronouns like any animal not given the chance to choose its own name, but you cannot “socialize” what is on the inside – the core, the essence.
When someone chooses to transition from Male to Female, from Female to Male, or from binary to non-binary, they are not ‘choosing’ their gender. They are dismantling the expectations that society built over them, so they could dig that core self out of the rubble and bring it to the surface for all to see.
If you think that an identity needs to be visible for it to be real, you might as well say nothing we experience on the inside matters.
The inside is ALL that matters. If there was nothing there, we’d just be walking bodies, with no inner life.
If you seriously think that telling kids they could transition is damaging, you need to talk to transgender people of all ages. This feeling doesn’t go away, no matter how old someone gets. You know why? Because society cannot CHOOSE someone’s gender for them. It is whatever it always was on the inside.
The only thing a trans person ‘chooses’ is whether or not to peel off the false layers the world wraps them in since childhood, as they go through the assembly line that is “socialization”.
There is nothing in the world more damaging and reductive than telling a kid that their genitals determine their destiny.
You think your cisnormative theories are empowering people? All you’re doing is adding more false layers to suffocate someone’s invisible, but very real, truth.
image from (https://engaged-brains.wikispaces.com/Transgender+Identity)
Quick note about Laverne Cox
I went to see a talk today by Laverne Cox at a theatre where I live. So much of what she said reached me in a personal way and it was good to see that we live by some of the same attitudes (loving yourself and believing that “Success is the best revenge” when it comes to people that have hurt you or made you feel worthless in the past)
I wanted to mention one segment (out of many) that stood out to me.
She was talking about how to build resilience to Shame (the shame that society tries to instill in trans people or on anyone who is marginalized).
She mentioned that finding someone who is going to embrace those parts of you (that are shunned by others) and giving each other mutual understanding is one of the best ways to build that inner strength. She called it a kind of “mirror” effect, where 2 people with similar life experiences can find validation in each other.
I just thought this is so true… building community is the key to dealing with depression and loneliness. Getting more involved in the trans community was the best thing that happened to me in the past 5 years. I can’t believe I didn’t do it earlier. If you’re struggling with something, find someone else who is going through similar struggles. Even if you’re shy. Even if you don’t connect with people right away, keep trying until you find that one with a ‘mirror’ experience to yours or as close as you can get to that. Isolating yourself will not make you feel half as good as an empathizing friend would.
Androgynous/Feminine Trans Guys
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Hi guys. So without turning this into a blog about my transition or something, I feel I should share some of the insights I’ve gained over these past few weeks, just about gender identity and gender expression, since this stuff is still on topic.
If you identify as FTM then you’d be familiar with one or more of the online trans communities out there, including the one on YouTube. You might also be familiar then with some of the divisions and conflicts that exist within the community itself.
Having kind of stepped into this community and looked around a little, I’ve noticed that one of the major points of disagreement among trans people appears to revolve around gender expression, and the various forms of masculinity and femininity that can shine through it.
In particular, there seems to be a lot of negative energy and criticism directed at transgender people that don’t present as stereotypical Male or Female. What I’ve seen is mainly from the FTM side, so I want to comment on that, but I think these same issues seem to exist for certain MTFs as well.
When I say not stereotypical, I’m referring to those FTMs who present themselves in a more feminine way than most (the androgynous or femme FTMs). Some of these guys have had to deal with people telling them that they are not masculine enough to be trans, or that they should simply ‘stay a girl’, or that they should give up their preferred style of dress or cut their hair a certain way in order to ‘pass’ – as if that’s the only goal anyone should ever have when they decide to transition.
I feel like I’ve just gotten an harsh reality check about what I’m going to face in the next few years of my own life… because my ideal gender presentation is the androgynous male look – like Lelouch Lamperouge from the anime Code Geass (That character is the embodiment of my personal masculine ideal). My favourite trans guy on YouTube is this guy (https://www.youtube.com/user/beckdrop/videos). Why? Cause he looks like Lelouch. O.o
Ok, back to the topic. I feel like people need to take a step back and remind themselves what trans identity really is. You don’t just become trans the moment you take your first hormone shot. And if you stop taking hormones, you don’t stop being trans either (unless you genuinely made a mistake and had never truly identified as transgender to begin with). Trans identity is not defined by these visible, tangible, physical details. It is something all trans-identified people experience inside themselves before they come out. Some trans people never come out, never transition, but still carry around the conflicting emotions and thoughts that are associated with gender dysphoria, in varying levels, throughout their lives. Any one of these paths are valid, and taking any one of them doesn’t make you more or less TRANS, since your gender identity is something that has always been and will always be on the inside, whether or not it ever shows on the outside, regardless of other people acknowledging it.
Those FTMs that transition and retain some feminine characteristics or habits or ways of self-expression are no less male than those who want to get as far away from femininity as possible in their outward presentation. Why is there a need to have some kind of overblown power struggle over who gets to claim that label and who doesn’t?
Firstly, look around at the world a little – when you’re on the bus, or travelling on vacation. There are plenty of cis men who act super feminine in the way they dress or the way they interact with others. Does that make them less ‘male’? And the cis women in this world that are extremely masculine… are they less ‘female’ identified? If you were to say yes, then you might as well say there is no difference between a butch woman and a pre-T, masculine transguy.
But there is. And where is the difference? It’s in the gender dysphoria that is experienced in an internal way. A butch lesbian is generally ok with her assigned gender. That’s why butch lesbians even exist. Otherwise they’d all claim to be FTM or seek transition.
What makes a trans guy different is that he’s NOT ok with his assigned gender, and he identifies as male on the inside, whether there’s testosterone coursing through his veins or not. But when we transition and begin to be seen as male, we have more freedom to play around with our gender expression. Isn’t the whole idea of transition about finding happiness/self-acceptance?
Cis guys can do whatever they want without being questioned… they may get made fun of, but no one will doubt they are Male. Because they’ve got the body, all the standard male parts. As trans people, if we make any part of physical appearance a requirement for claiming our Male identity we invalidate trans identity yet again, because we’re saying that it’s what’s on the outside that makes one a man.
You can’t just validate some trans guys and invalidate others. The only way to be consistent about what it means to be trans is to place the emphasis on our internal experience of gender, regardless of what that translates to on the outside.
If you emphasise the physical, the visible, then the cis system wins… because you let them apply their rules to you, blending in among them while ignoring the existence of non-binaries and alternative gender expressions. Maybe you’re happy that way, but what about those that don’t fit in? If you’re going to say they are less male for not acting or looking a certain way, then you might as well give up your own struggle, since by society’s narrow standards none of us would ever be seen for who we really are on the inside as long as we go on trying to say that it’s physical characteristics and mannerisms alone that makes a man or woman.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with living stealth. Transphobia is incredibly hard to bear, especially when combined with your own internal gender dysphoria. It makes sense that some people don’t even want that label ‘trans’ attached to them, and do not feel they belong in the gay community at all. That’s fine, as long as you’re not spreading ignorance and homophobia.
But if it bothers you so much that feminine/androgynous trans guys exist, then just stay away from them. It’s that simple. Their existence doesn’t invalidate your existence. When you criticize non-binaries and/or alternative gender presentations, all you’re doing is hurting your own cause, and hurting others who are very much like you at the core. Gender dysphoria is the common thread that connects us, not which surgeries we get or whether or not we ever decide to go on hormones or how well we fit into the cis binary at any one point in our lives.
If you don’t deny a feminine cis guy his male identity, then you should be able to respect a feminine trans guy’s male identity, even if you may not fully understand it. In an ideal world, we’d all just be able to choose which body we inhabit, but for now the least we could do is try to see each other’s souls.
<–Lelouch.
Pic From: http://xxajisai-graphicxx.deviantart.com/art/Render-Lelouch-322476909
medical vs. non-medical transition.
[This is a great video. I love what he has to say about binary trans identity vs. non-binaries. I agree with pretty much everything he says here.]
(Source: https://www.youtube.com/)
Court takes couple’s children because father is transgender
Imagine if this were your nightmare.
Daniel and Cindy are young parents whose world has been turned upside down because Daniel is transgender. He transitioned over a decade ago when he was 19, and few people know that he is transgender. When Daniel and Cindy decided to have children, they told Cindy’s parents that Daniel is transgender because they were conceiving in vitro with donated sperm. And, I suppose, they must also have trusted that her parents would continue to accept their son-in-law.
This was a mistake.
Cindy gave birth to healthy twins 2 ½ years ago, and Daniel and Cindy and the twins have been very happy – except for one problem. Cindy’s parents make rude comments about Daniel being transgender, and they do it in front of the twins. Requests for them to stop are met with mirth. Daniel and Cindy put up with this behavior for a long while, but as the twins are getting older, they worry that the negative comments are harmful, and they don’t want to be forced to try and explain concepts to their young children that are beyond their ability or need to understand – in vitro, transgender.
Daniel and Cindy made the difficult decision that the grandparents are no longer welcome in their lives. The grandparents got angry and sued for custody of the children. The twins have two loving parents. Child Protective Services have never been called; there have been no police reports of abuse; neither parent has a criminal record.
Last week, a court removed the twins from their home and gave custody to the grandparents. The reason? Their father is transgender.
Daniel and Cindy are working with a lawyer to try and get their children back. Will they get them back? Who knows? What we do know that the children have pulled out of their home and are living with two people who demean and ridicule their father.
And if they do get the children back, their lives will never be the same. Everyone in town either knows or soon will know that Daniel is transgender, and he will likely lose his job. If the children are gone too long, they may not trust their parents when they return. Daniel and Cindy will either spend savings or go into debt to pay legal fees. And they go to bed every night distraught because their children are not with them. They don’t know if their children are crying for them, but surely their children must be confused.
This isn’t a story made up as an example of what might happento someone who is transgender. This is really happening to a young couple and their twins. I’ve changed the names because the case hasn’t hit the news, so perhaps the family will be able to maintain some privacy.
The take away? While it may not be discrimination for the grandparents to be hateful to their son-in-law; it certainly is discriminatory for the Court to make a custody decision based on the father’s transgender status. Transgender non-discrimination laws would give these parents and their children better legal protections to be a family free from government interference. Also, if Courts are permitted to take children from otherwise good parents because one parent is transgender, who’s next?
Support the passage of anti-discrimination legislation in support of transgender people, whoever you are, wherever you live.
rainbowamory 