[Note from Jan 17, 2021: The video is no longer available on YouTube but it was basically about a woman talking about her family background. In her background there were several consanguineous marriages (some between brothers and sisters, and others between first cousins). She was talking about the fact that her parents were cousins… her view was that she did not feel comfortable supporting consanguineous relationships, but she explained that it was because she had experienced trauma…NOT from her parents though — her parents had gotten divorced and her mother had married another cousin, and they had encouraged her to be with who she wants to be with, including dating outside the family. The reason she was traumatized was because she felt that other people in her family made her feel uncomfortable by looking at her in a sexualized way, instead of in a platonic way. e.g. cousins or uncles or someone like that. She herself was not interested in having that type of relationship with a relative, and that’s ok. I respect the fact that she took the time to explain why she feels the way she feels. She wasn’t trying to control other people’s lives, just being honest about her feelings on the topic due to her experiences. The video is no longer up, but that was basically what it was about]
(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAceINX4zGY)
Wow. There’s a lot more that could be said about this video but I’m just going to say some things and let you watch it for yourself.
Short Summary of my Thoughts:
To sum it up, I thought this woman was as kind as she could be about consang love, considering the trauma she’s had to go through in her family (the feeling of being unsafe, not because of her parents, but because of the hyper-sexualized mentality of other family). Very rarely do people actually take the time to reflect and talk about WHY they feel the way they do so I thought it was particularly great that she did that… It’s nice that she didn’t come out of it saying that people shouldn’t marry family members. She acknowledges that while it’s not for her, she has her own personal reasons (not the usual social biases), and that she can’t decide for other people what is best for them. This is a very mature and fair stance, and I hope it opens some people’s minds, whether or not they want to have a consang relationship themselves.
Long Version:
So, as usual, I approached this video with hesitation because I thought the person was going to be very hypocritical about her views on cousin marriage. But actually she makes some really great points and explains her feelings really well, while still being respectful of those who have incestuous relationships. I think that’s even more honorable coming from her, since she has had a lot of trauma associated with her lineage.
I’m not sharing this to perpetuate bad myths or anything. Though practices like that of her tribe (arranged marriages) are part of the reason there is so much hate out there for incestuous couples… People often get the impression that all incestuous couples lead to generational inbreeding, which is not the case.
There are many that get married of their own free will to a relative, and have children with them (hopefully after talking to a doctor), and then raise their kids in a loving, non-abusive environment. Then when their kids grow up, the kids marry outside the family, and there’s never any issues since the gene pool remains mixed.
Having listened to the youtuber’s explanation, her mixed feelings make alot of sense, but I also commend her for not projecting her own choices onto others. She is very honest and non-judgmental for someone whose been through trauma. Kids having to grow up in a hyper-sexualized family atmosphere is one of the reasons I think generational (multiple generations in the same family) incest is not a good idea.
I share these links because I think it’s SO important to hear what the offspring of cousin marriage have to say, since they are the ones that are directly effected by another’s decisions. As long as they are using their reason and are being fair in their opinions, I think it’s important to listen to them. If two cousins ever want to make kids with each other, it’s important for them to think about how their kids might process their relationship in the world.
Maybe cousin couples could learn from this young woman, about the importance of raising kids in such a way that they don’t experience trauma within the family. It’s entirely possible to give kids a much happier experience than what this person had.. you just need to be smart and learn from her life.
rainbowamory 