No problem!
And that is a very harsh sentence indeed. It’s
hard to believe that they’d actually dish out the full punishment but the best
way to protect yourself is to not take chances. I hope those laws get
challenged someday.EDIT: Sorry, that last suggestion I made (about going outside the state and then coming back after doing stuff) is probably not the best idea. See this post and the comment left on it:
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.ca/2017/08/cousins-changing-states.html
It seems that you may still be prosecuted if someone learns you have been leaving the state to get away from the laws in your state. So unless you are permanently moving away, you may need to think about this too.
I’m a romantic to the core, so I’m the type
to leave everything behind to be with the person I love if I had to. But I know
not everyone can leave their family behind so easily, so it’s really up to you. Sometimes people just need to live their life and let family come around in their own time.I hope things work out for you. Just remember you’re
not alone.❤
Love is Love. God bless and good luck ^_^
Category: Cousin Love posts
Thank you. You’ve been so much help. Yes, I live in the U.S. and we’re both adults. In my state you can get up to 10 years and consent is not considered an excuse. Its a 3rd degree felony. Thank you for all the advice and links! This is a lot of great information and I really appreciate it. I’m really so thankful for your help. I really see a future with the them.❤❤❤ – S
No problem!
And that is a very harsh sentence indeed. It’s
hard to believe that they’d actually dish out the full punishment but the best
way to protect yourself is to not take chances. I hope those laws get
challenged someday.
EDIT: Sorry, that last suggestion I made (about going outside the state and then coming back after doing stuff) is probably not the best idea. See this post and the comment left on it:
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.ca/2017/08/cousins-changing-states.html
It seems that you may still be prosecuted if someone learns you have been leaving the state to get away from the laws in your state. So unless you are permanently moving away, you may need to think about this too.
I’m a romantic to the core, so I’m the type
to leave everything behind to be with the person I love if I had to. But I know
not everyone can leave their family behind so easily, so it’s really up to you. Sometimes people just need to live their life and let family come around in their own time.
I hope things work out for you. Just remember you’re
not alone.
❤
Love is Love. God bless and good luck ^_^
Hi, I love your blog! :) I want to ask for some advice. What should I do if I love my cousin, but in my state even “attempted incest ” is considered a felony? Is there any way we can have a relationship despite this? Moving is out of the question. Also, my family would never accept it if they found out. I really don’t know what to do. – S
Hey and Thank you 🙂
As always, before I say anything, I’m
assuming you’re of an age at which you feel you understand the pros and cons of
having this kind of relationship. And also, as I’ve said before, I’m not a
councilor, so I can only offer suggestions based on what I know and my sense
of caution.
The thing that makes your situation unique
is the fact that you don’t have legal protection if anyone were to report you. It’s easy to say just don’t do it, but I don’t know your circumstances… maybe
you don’t see yourself being able to move anytime soon and meanwhile you need
to live your life. If that’s the case and if you are sure you want to take the
legal risk, then the only way to stay safe would be to keep absolute secrecy. You
should make a situation for yourself where you can deny it in a believable way
if anyone accuses or reports you, leave absolutely no trace of being anything
more than friends (especially stuff like social media comments or texts or pics
on your phone).
This also means not telling anyone about your
relationship, including friends. I definitely don’t think you should do anything while
living with other people. Moving out separately maybe or together with the
excuse of it being for “financial reasons” maybe a good idea. And if possible,
you should do this as far away from your family as possible, while remaining in
the same state.
This of course, is only the advice I’d give
if you are absolutely determined to do this under your circumstances. And it
might work for a short-term relationship. But if you desire something long-term
with your cousin, you’re going to have to seriously consider moving to a state
where at least it’s not criminalized. You might’ve already seen this:
http://thefinalmanifesto.blogspot.ca/2015/01/global-map-of-incest-laws.html
It’s a great little map that The Final
Manifesto put together. The States are highlighted in the box at the bottom and
you can see that while some states do not allow marriage between first cousins,
only a very small number of states actually consider consensual sex between
first cousins to be a criminal offense (the ones containing both red AND orange
stripes). So, you wouldn’t even need to move that far… even just moving to the
nearest state connected to where you’re living now would save you the trouble
of having to always be so watchful and anxious. That gives you lots of options…
it’s just a matter of figuring out finances and jobs.
For your current situation, if you do
decide to have a relationship or any kind of sexual contact with your cousin in
your location, you should read this:
https://consanguinamory.wordpress.com/getting-caught-and-how-to-avoid-it/
The people at https://www.facebook.com/groups/369860813120194/ might have
better advice for you since some of them might’ve experienced the same dilemma.
It’s worthwhile to go there as well and make a post.
I don’t know you two well enough to be sure
if it can work for you, but I think that going against the law should be a last
resort option… like if you are on the other side of the world and stuck between places where it’s criminalized. In the US, there are options. So please think
carefully about this, because depending on where you are, you never know how
harsh the punishment for breaking the law might be.
Forum for Original cousin/cousin or sibling/sibling Pairs in Fiction!
(Image: one of my unfinished, rough sketches of my cousin pairing. It’s not done so pls ignore the disproportion going on…)
Okay peoples,
I’ve written up the rules for the forum, and I made the categories. Now all I need are members! Please read the rules before joining and please spread the word!!
Here is a link: http://consang-fiction.forumotion.com/
We can improve it with time, including the rules, but below I will outline some of the things I hope this forum can do for those of us interested in making this community:
Focus of the Forum
To bring together aspiring writers to discuss our characters and writing, specifically those pairings that would be considered “taboo” in various parts of our world: Sibling and Cousin pairings, straight or gay, GSA or non-GSA, romantic and/or sexual, Canon or very near canon. This forum is not for purely platonic relationships–as lovely as those are.
___How we can make use of the Forum___
There are various ways we can make use of this forum. Here are just some possibilities:
- We could do bi-weekly writing exercises to practice writing scenes and dialogue, to get a good sense of how our characters would act and talk.
• We could discuss the nature of “double love” and how the familial and the romantic intertwine in a consang relationship.
• We can discuss stigma, its origins and how the characters deal with it in their societies.
• We can talk about our own fears or anxieties about writing/publishing fiction containing “controversial” material, how we could remain strong and dedicated despite the judgment we may face as writers of such relationships.
• We can do research together (e.g. share links to documentaries, scholarly articles, author/actor interviews, commentary, or other material on this subject) so that our writing could be better informed by facts and existing dialogues.
• We can help each other develop points in our fictional character & relationship arcs in a way that suits our individual visions.
• We can provide each other with feedback on our writing styles so that we can improve the quality.
• We can discuss fandom and ships… in connection with what we hope do with our original fiction. E.g. What are our fav ships/dynamics? What we can learn from the writers of the past? What can/should we do differently?
To read rules in full, go here: http://consang-fiction.forumotion.com/t1-rules-of-our-forum#1
A forum for aspiring fiction writers? (emphasis on Consanguinamory)
I’ve been playing around with the idea of making a forum for those who want to write Original Fiction that contains one or more consanguineous couples. There can be several categories: Fantasy/Sci-fi (traditional or modern), Drama
(historical or modern), Mystery, Romance/Erotica, Mixed-Genre, Comics/Graphic Novel. For this particular space, the focus will be on siblings or cousin pairings, queer or straight. It can be a safe space to talk about the challenges of writing canon consang pairs. We can do research together and maybe some bi-weekly writing exercises to develop our characters. I will come up with more details later. But these are some of the prospective rules I thought up so far:
#1 Golden Rule: Respect each other’s preferences; respect each other’s boundaries.
Basic Rules all Must Follow (no exceptions):
*No hypocrisy… If you are going to write about consensual incestuous relationships, you must at least have an attitude of neutrality when it comes to ‘real life’ consang couples (siblings and cousins, for the purposes of this forum). I want to keep the forum a judgement-free, safe space for all, including those who may come to it with personal experience of consanguinamory.
*You must be 18 or over to join.
*No homophobia, transphobia, or racism (again, this must be a safe space for all)
*If you are going to write about relations that occur between people or characters who are minors, the sexual details must be limited within forum posts (obviously in the writing you ultimately publish, you go with your own rules).
*This forum is only for fiction. If you are mixing non-fiction elements into your writing, please make sure to change names and details to respect people’s privacy.
You Are Still Welcome If:
*If you are uncomfortable with the thought of incest, but still want to explore consensual incest in your fiction. As long as you don’t condemn others for their choices in life or in fiction, you are welcome.
*If you have very specific preferences (e.g. you like Bro/Sis but you’re not crazy about Bro/Bro, or you only do queer pairs). Just be respectful of others’ preferences.
*If you want to explore the darker side of consanguinamory, where there is a grey area between consent and non-consent, or if you have unhappy endings planned. As long as you are not coming to the forum with a pre-conceived notion that ‘all consang relationships’ are inherently unhealthy and/or are doomed to fail, then you are welcome to explore unhealthy dynamics as well. Exploring grey areas in fiction does not mean the same thing as being ok with abuse. However, IF your pairing is fully abusive or non-consensual, this is not the forum for you. [Only requirement for grey area is please put a trigger warning tag]
*Poly relationship dynamics are as welcome as monogamous ones.
*If you are only interested in exploring either GSA or non-GSA.
I followed a post comment on reddit and found the above video.
I like that romantic love was an option in this game and it wasn’t all about the sex alone. It’s about two cousins stranded on an island. One of the endings has them as a couple and making a family. 🙂 I love how the guy reflects at the end that they’d have to get off the island eventually, so that their kids could see the world and decide what they want. It’s an acknowledgement that just because someone is in an unconventional relationship doesn’t mean they would hold their kids back from having options of their own.
(Source: https://www.youtube.com/)
that entire discussion about cousins annoys me so much! i mean, the whole discussion on incest tends to lack nuance, but i’m particularly annoyed by people condemning cousin incest because my parents are first cousins and they’ve been happily married for almost 25 years.
I don’t think they realize how they are making people feel. There are first cousins, even in the U.S., who are happily married, but especially there are many around the world, in cultures where first cousin marriage isn’t frowned upon at all.
I get so frustrated. People are so uneducated about this, and then popular culture just keeps making it worse.
Don’t let it get to you, Anon! That’s wonderful about your parents.
The Dynamics of Cousin Relationships
This is another great post you should check out, with informational links.
I really liked this observation especially:
In the US, there is a false notion that marriages between first cousins in a Southern thing, but the varying state laws do not support that idea. Rather, these relationships exist in every region and in every class.
Friends from France movie (personal reflections)
Ok, I’ve finished watching this film and figured I’d share some thoughts, just on the cousins’ relationship.
***This post contains spoilers***
Slice-of-life stories are not really my kind of thing, but when it comes to handling complex subjects, I think drama (as a genre) generally does more justice to the issues involved than many other genres.
In the past, there have been a number of films that have managed to capture romantic love between cousins in a nuanced, sympathetic way. Friends From France left me with mixed feelings: disappointment and a strange sense of peace at the same time.
The two main characters definitely had chemistry. It was a believable blend of friendship, mutual attraction, and familial love that became the basis of the romantic feelings that developed between them.
Their affectionate interaction was really sweet to watch, but it seemed like there was always something in the way, something left unspoken. Neither of them really had a proper conversation about what they’d want out of the relationship, and this created a distance between them that never really seemed to get resolved.
It’s true that not all cousin relationships end in marriage and a perfect life, but in the case of these two, I really didn’t understand what was stopping them from committing to each other. I could’ve accepted the circumstances if we (as an audience) at least got some explanation about why they are not together – just one conversation between the guy and girl that involved actual discussion about the future.
It was still a beautiful movie in some ways, and I think what saved it for me was that they were both honest with each other about their love, and their storyline is imagined in a bold enough way to even include them having a child together. I can’t help but feel it is really nothing but fear of stigma that is keeping them apart.
I never take the ending of a movie as the final say. As long as the characters are alive, I believe the story goes on… So I can’t help but try to imagine what the rest of their lives would be like.
There are a bunch of options: They could go on living their separate lives but still keep in touch and participate more in each other’s life…….. They could finally have that delayed conversation about whether or not they want to be together as long-term partners…….. They could go back and fourth until fate arranges the circumstances just right for them to really be together. The important thing is, they have a strong support in their friend Viktor, who seems to be very open-minded and loving towards them both. The woman the main guy is dating by the end is also very good-natured, so even if she may be upset at first, I think there’s a chance that she’d be supportive as well if Carol and him ever got together permanently.
Whatever happens, the kid certainly deserves to know who his real father is, and it’s not right that the other man is raising the kid without knowing it’s not his. Vera also deserves honesty.
So to sum it up: This movie is frustrating to watch at times, but it is still worth watching. It feels incomplete and strangely satisfying at the same time. You really just got to watch it and see for yourself.
Casting Call For Cousins
Another one! I can’t wait to see the results of these things.
Just sharing on my blog for anyone that might be interested in participating. There may be ways to participate that doesn’t involve appearing on film (you’d need to contact them and ask them). All details are in the above link. 🙂
rainbowamory 